Strays

Bulgaria has in interesting problem with animals: their government can't afford to support a pound or animal shelter system. People are more concerned with feeding their own families than stray dogs. Each neighborhood has its designated strays and when I walk down the streets, I know which familiar faces I will see and where.

This guy to the right lives in front of my house. He is probably the most disgusting dog I have ever seen in my life, too. His back has patches of hair missing from where he bit or licked it off from fleas and sores on his skin. And every time I make eye contact with him, he looks away quickly and looks at me from the corner of his eye just to see what I am doing. When I walk out of my house, he is there. At night, he is there. In the morning, he is there. Some of the old ladies leave their table scraps for him and his friend that looks just like him, only with more hair on his back. Different stores leave water out for him to drink. And in this photo, he is currently stealing some shade in an office front where the owners left the door open so he can come and sit in their office (I stood on the street to take this picture).

I read Luke 6 this morning before I left the house. Jesus says, "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours in the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh." This stray is blessed. I want to be like him. He needs Jesus. I want to know what it is to NEED Jesus. Lord, make me hungry. Lord, make me poor. Lord, show me your satisfaction. The thing is, God loves to open the store front to give us shade, and he loves to put out water for us. But more than that, he loves to give us a home. I am jealous of those who know how to need Jesus. My pride gets in the way.

Success!!!

We had our very first English Forum on Monday of this week. Six girls showed up. Good thing because our topic was "Love and Romance". We had three texts to read and analyze. The first one was the lyrics to Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies", an article from Cosmo entitled "6 Benefits of Divorce", and a Buddhist poem called "On Marriage". Its been fun challenging the Christians with things they would not normally see and hear, and asking them listen wholeheartedly to things they do not agree with.

Everyone who came loved the time together talking and is excited to come back on Thursday! The next topic will be "Respect", all aspects of the word. I love not knowing what people will say and think. If you have any suggestions on topics or texts, please let me know! Another American came from the Peace Corp and her name is Jessica (far left). She holds a doctorate of clinical psychology and is working with Kremi (far right). She got in on Saturday and Kremi and I both feel that she is in Shumen for two years to come to know the Lord. What in insightful and interesting woman she is. I am so glad to be able to get to know her. The girl taking the picture is Bella, she is Katya's (fourth from the left) best friend and a beautiful girl with an incredible mind, and totally open. She is going with Katya to a Christian youth camp next week, we are hoping this is the time she comes to know the Lord! (By the way Bella, if you are reading this, we all hope you come to know the Lord. Just wanted to put that out there. You're great.)

This coming meeting, we will have three boys join us! Girls are great, but its nice to add a little testosterone into the mix. Keep praying for our little group and what happens to it after I leave...I have only two more weeks here!

New Territory

Family camp finished a few weeks ago with such a success! God brought together a team of five high school kid's helpers and the week went amazingly well. Count them, one, two, three rainy days and we never lacked for fun things to do! Praise Jesus. Bobby, Rali, and I have been getting great reports back about how families have been so encouraged by the time of rest and quality time.

Lately, I have been struggling with feeling useless in a foreign country where I need to be so busy doing things for the Lord. I haven't written in so long because I felt I haven't anything worthwhile to say. Talking with people and praying, the Lord revealed an idea for what I call and Open English Forum. We bring people together from different social circles, religions, even towns that are young adults, and who want to improve their English. English is key and the drawing factor. We will meet twice a week starting this Monday. The meetings will have different themes that are broad enough to have lots to discuss and enough common ground to not have a black and white answer on either side. The goal is for Christians and Non-Christians to learn how to listen to each other and eventually build a deeper relationship out of that group time.

Every Bulgarian I have talked to (Christian and Non-Christian) has been ECSTATIC about this idea. They are willing to bring friends and come twice a week. My prayer is that after I leave, God will raise up a leader or two to keep the meetings going and keep reaching people. But, I also feel very strongly that this is an area where a big spiritual attack could be coming. Please pray for our new group and what happens to it after I leave. Please pray for our time together, that it will be fruitful. Please, pray for my heart that it stays in Bulgaria and in the Holy Spirit for the next three weeks. I am beginning to miss home. This is such an important part of our ministry here. Please, please pray. I won't survive this alone...

So its Lookin' Like I am Getting Married!

Dear Friendies,

Chris proposed!! Being the wonderfully romantic man that he is, and his honey-bun being so far away (that would be me), he decided to send flowers from a company in the states to Bulgaria that would be delivered to my address in Shumen. Since we are poor (and can't afford $1500 plane tickets) and a ring would get stolen in the mail he was kind of stuck as far as options. And Bulgaria being the place it is, the flowers never got to me. We waited and waited and I had to leave for a kids camp by the Black Sea in a matter of hours and the flowers and the letter (with the proposal inside never came)! It was too early in the states to call the company where the flowers were ordered and I was leaving for a camp for a weeks with no internet or cell service within minutes. Chris was pretty disappointed, but the effort for romance means more than the actual action.

I searched the entire village yesterday and this morning for internet and finally found access at a little cafe called, Sunshine and Love! Haha...and opened my email to a beautiful letter about the evolution of our relationship and how the Lord is molding it to bring glory to himself.

Our story is rather unique, but its ours and I treasure it so deeply. I love Christopher's romantic spirit and I love that God has a sense of humor in how He rearranges our expectations of ourselves and what a proposal should look like. I love you Christopher and our engagement is perfect and I would not change anything for the world! You are a true romancer and what a story our engagement is to tell...

Washed by the Blood of a Listening Ear

Jesus told me a few weeks ago that Bulgaria needs one thing, a listener. I do not know how to listen properly. "But did you know," he said, "that you can breath life into a human being through sitting with them, looking intently into their soul, and not saying a word and thinking about nothing other than what they mean?" How often is it that we listen in that way? "And thinking about NOTHING other than what they mean..."

How many stories this place has to tell. Over 1,000 years of one invasion after another, one hated people group after another, one heart break after another. God had it right when he referred to Israel as a woman, calling the nation "her." A collective people works like a woman. We are emotional beings, we nations, we need to show our beauty, we need to nurture, we need to care for, and we need to be listened to, we need to express our individuality, and we need to lay at the feet of our Savior and pour out our jars of wealth. A nation fears the cage, just like a woman.

My job here, my truly meaningful job in Bulgaria besides all of my ministry activities and busy work is to go have coffee with women. We get coffee or ice cream, whatever it may be that day depending on the temperature, and I listen intently and SHUT MY MOUTH UNTIL THE SPIRIT MOVES ME to speak. "Shut up!" he tells me. I honestly love when he tells me that. So there I sit, at the cafe, drawing these beautiful women out from behind these walls they have created to keep people away.

And I discovered that under communism, people in the church were taught never to make close friends with others in the church because they might be a spy. This is their reality! Spies! So now, in freedom and safety, the women of Bulgaria have permission to free themselves! How do they become free? By being drawn out. Holy Spirit nudges his ear right up to their quivering mouths and says, "Speak to me, my love, I want to know you." And there I sit. And there I watch Him woo these women by nuzzling his hear close to them asking for their stories, asking for their hurts. And there I watch him saves lives. And there I sit falling more in love with him myself.

If you want to know a nation, listen to her women.

"You see and understand what is right but refuse to act on it. You hear, but you don't really listen."

-Isaiah 42:20

Holy Spirit, Light Me Up Like a Bulgarian Table S'More

It has been three days since coming home from HeartQuest. So sorry it took me this long to write, but it has been taking me days to understand the true power and simplicity of what I have learned this week. Two things: the power of confession and the freedom we find in submission.

For six days, all I did was confess what I had been guilty of to the Lord...and what freedom I found. As dirty and messy as it sounds, I feel so clean after I allowed God to empty my hidden closet of all the muddy shoes and broken umbrellas. How good the Lord is to hurt us for a little while to make us free from the things we have dreaded to look at our entire life. Man o man. I look at it as if I underwent major surgery. You know those vet shows that feature dogs who eat fishing hooks and their owners underwear and somehow it gets all tangled up in their intestines and then the poor stupid dog has to go in for surgery to get Vicky's real secret removed? I feel like the dumb dog who ate the panties and would not sit still enough to allow the Holy Spirit to get them out of me. I allowed my sin to get all tangled in my intestines. And I guess somehow in this twisted metaphor, Heart Quest would be the equivalent of the vet show, place it where you wish.

But sitting still is the key. I have to obey and submit to the Holy Spirit's wishes long enough for Him to get his hands inside of our hearts to untangle us. For me, its the hardest part, but, oh goodness, how it renders the best result. Submission keeps us from swallowing another pair of panties right after Holy Spirit got the last pair out. Lord, keep me from eating another pair of panties!

This picture does not have a whole lot to do with what I learned at the conference, but thought it was funny that I taught a Bulgarian family of five how to make s'mores at the dinner table. The kids didn't like them so I had to eat all the marshmallows after they burn them. I will ask my body for forgiveness later...this little guy is Teddy (short for Theodore).

A Stranger Sense of Homecoming

If I could give you words to form Bulgaria in your minds, the words would be smudged, lipstick in the creases of an old woman's mouth, the view of a Van Gogh painting with your nosed pressed against it. There is something intriguingly unholy about this country. This place has laws that are merely suggestions, anarchy that suffocates, and a crippled beauty waiting to be clean once again; and I believe that I am here to bear witness of the cleansing awaiting Bulgaria. And in some abstract way, it feels like I belong here.

I have been in Shumen for two days now. Bobby picked me up from the train station Friday evening where we headed straight to the market to meet Rali, his wife. She was helping two other American women buy food for the next week's Bulgarian Women's conference, Heart Quest. These women reeked of Dallas (big hair, accents, lots of fake diamonds), but like all true Dallas women, they are to be loved right away for their charm and genuine hearts. And Paige and Tamyra have both in excessive amounts. We spent the rest of the evening talking about my travels through Europe and what God is planning for the next few days (who even knows).

On Sunday, we went to the local Pentecostal church where Bobby is the pastor. This church is an incredible example of how a church should look. It is raw in the sense that the congregation does not hide their need for Christ and often interrupt the pastor to discuss praises for various bodily ills (the old women love to interrupt the pastor for such things). Here is an example: And old woman who is missing several teeth stands up in the middle of the sermon and croaks out, "I have a praise!" choking on her tears. And then she continues to describe her pain and that Jesus healed it. And the matriarchs of the church continue this for about ten minutes. Then the pastor continues the sermon. but besides the older ladies, this church is alive in the hunger for what Christ has to say to them. They are thriving in their youth and college groups (where the next generation of believers is growing, the ones who are going to save Bulgaria). What a privilege it is to get to know this place and these people!

Thank you Bulgaria for making me feel at home. I hope we can develop a beautiful friendship.