So its Lookin' Like I am Getting Married!

Dear Friendies,

Chris proposed!! Being the wonderfully romantic man that he is, and his honey-bun being so far away (that would be me), he decided to send flowers from a company in the states to Bulgaria that would be delivered to my address in Shumen. Since we are poor (and can't afford $1500 plane tickets) and a ring would get stolen in the mail he was kind of stuck as far as options. And Bulgaria being the place it is, the flowers never got to me. We waited and waited and I had to leave for a kids camp by the Black Sea in a matter of hours and the flowers and the letter (with the proposal inside never came)! It was too early in the states to call the company where the flowers were ordered and I was leaving for a camp for a weeks with no internet or cell service within minutes. Chris was pretty disappointed, but the effort for romance means more than the actual action.

I searched the entire village yesterday and this morning for internet and finally found access at a little cafe called, Sunshine and Love! Haha...and opened my email to a beautiful letter about the evolution of our relationship and how the Lord is molding it to bring glory to himself.

Our story is rather unique, but its ours and I treasure it so deeply. I love Christopher's romantic spirit and I love that God has a sense of humor in how He rearranges our expectations of ourselves and what a proposal should look like. I love you Christopher and our engagement is perfect and I would not change anything for the world! You are a true romancer and what a story our engagement is to tell...

Washed by the Blood of a Listening Ear

Jesus told me a few weeks ago that Bulgaria needs one thing, a listener. I do not know how to listen properly. "But did you know," he said, "that you can breath life into a human being through sitting with them, looking intently into their soul, and not saying a word and thinking about nothing other than what they mean?" How often is it that we listen in that way? "And thinking about NOTHING other than what they mean..."

How many stories this place has to tell. Over 1,000 years of one invasion after another, one hated people group after another, one heart break after another. God had it right when he referred to Israel as a woman, calling the nation "her." A collective people works like a woman. We are emotional beings, we nations, we need to show our beauty, we need to nurture, we need to care for, and we need to be listened to, we need to express our individuality, and we need to lay at the feet of our Savior and pour out our jars of wealth. A nation fears the cage, just like a woman.

My job here, my truly meaningful job in Bulgaria besides all of my ministry activities and busy work is to go have coffee with women. We get coffee or ice cream, whatever it may be that day depending on the temperature, and I listen intently and SHUT MY MOUTH UNTIL THE SPIRIT MOVES ME to speak. "Shut up!" he tells me. I honestly love when he tells me that. So there I sit, at the cafe, drawing these beautiful women out from behind these walls they have created to keep people away.

And I discovered that under communism, people in the church were taught never to make close friends with others in the church because they might be a spy. This is their reality! Spies! So now, in freedom and safety, the women of Bulgaria have permission to free themselves! How do they become free? By being drawn out. Holy Spirit nudges his ear right up to their quivering mouths and says, "Speak to me, my love, I want to know you." And there I sit. And there I watch Him woo these women by nuzzling his hear close to them asking for their stories, asking for their hurts. And there I watch him saves lives. And there I sit falling more in love with him myself.

If you want to know a nation, listen to her women.

"You see and understand what is right but refuse to act on it. You hear, but you don't really listen."

-Isaiah 42:20

Holy Spirit, Light Me Up Like a Bulgarian Table S'More

It has been three days since coming home from HeartQuest. So sorry it took me this long to write, but it has been taking me days to understand the true power and simplicity of what I have learned this week. Two things: the power of confession and the freedom we find in submission.

For six days, all I did was confess what I had been guilty of to the Lord...and what freedom I found. As dirty and messy as it sounds, I feel so clean after I allowed God to empty my hidden closet of all the muddy shoes and broken umbrellas. How good the Lord is to hurt us for a little while to make us free from the things we have dreaded to look at our entire life. Man o man. I look at it as if I underwent major surgery. You know those vet shows that feature dogs who eat fishing hooks and their owners underwear and somehow it gets all tangled up in their intestines and then the poor stupid dog has to go in for surgery to get Vicky's real secret removed? I feel like the dumb dog who ate the panties and would not sit still enough to allow the Holy Spirit to get them out of me. I allowed my sin to get all tangled in my intestines. And I guess somehow in this twisted metaphor, Heart Quest would be the equivalent of the vet show, place it where you wish.

But sitting still is the key. I have to obey and submit to the Holy Spirit's wishes long enough for Him to get his hands inside of our hearts to untangle us. For me, its the hardest part, but, oh goodness, how it renders the best result. Submission keeps us from swallowing another pair of panties right after Holy Spirit got the last pair out. Lord, keep me from eating another pair of panties!

This picture does not have a whole lot to do with what I learned at the conference, but thought it was funny that I taught a Bulgarian family of five how to make s'mores at the dinner table. The kids didn't like them so I had to eat all the marshmallows after they burn them. I will ask my body for forgiveness later...this little guy is Teddy (short for Theodore).